5 Hilariously Bad Tips for Having Holiday Sex

As the Christmas season approaches, many of us prepare to reunite with family, exchange gifts, and navigate the delicate dance of spending extended periods of time with loved ones. If you are trying to have some fun on your own,i suggest you to choose some sex toys in our website. If you’re bringing your significant other home for the holidays, you might find it challenging to carve out some alone time. The dilemma arises: Should you attempt to have an intimate moment in your childhood bed, risking the chance of your parents overhearing?  Thankfully, i will show you some hilarious holiday sex advice, maybe give it a try? Brace yourself for these bewildering tips.

1. Have a Holly Jolly Playlist

The close quarters and proximity to relatives during the holidays can make intimate moments a bit tricky, unless you’re an exhibitionist (we don’t judge your kinks). However, some people have suggested a rather unique solution to make things even more awkward. They propose that you “crank those holiday tunes a little bit louder” to drown out any suspicious noises. While sex playlists are not everyone’s cup of tea, we can understand that, under the right circumstances, they can set the mood. But the idea of getting intimate to the sounds of “Jingle Bell Rock” and “Little Drummer Boy” is simply perplexing. Not only is this unappealing, but it’s also highly impractical. Can you imagine that two people in a romantic relationship have retreated to a closed room to blast Christmas songs and expect no one to become suspicious? If anything, you’re practically inviting unwanted attention with this approach.If you want everyone to notice that you’re doing some kind of “exercise” in your room, then this is a good suggestion!

2. Baby, It’s Cold Outside

For those who prefer not to risk disturbing their family members, there’s always the option of taking your intimate activities outside the bedroom. While the shower might seem like a logical choice, but here comes another unconventional suggestion – “try having sex in a car or some bushes outside.” The car suggestion might not be the most comfortable, but let’s leave it at that since it’s still an enclosed space. What truly baffles me is the casual suggestion of engaging in intimate activities “in some bushes outside.” Unless you reside in a warm climate year-round, it’s likely to be as cold as Santa’s North Pole during the holidays. Even if you’re okay with potential frostbite in delicate areas, there’s the additional concern of developing skin irritation from bush-related encounters. Call me overly cautious, but I don’t think this is what Musique meant when they sang “Push, push in the bush.”But if you enjoy the feeling of your bird being frozen, you can go for it.

3. Carol of the Basement

If, like me, you’d prefer to keep your intimate moments away from actual bushes this holiday season, you’ll need to get creative with your choice of location. Some people suggest the following: “Basements were made for make-outs, and even though you haven’t used one for that reason in decades, there’s no reason not to start now.” Well, I wouldn’t say there’s “no reason.” There’s arguably no less sexy place in a house to engage in intimacy than a damp basement. With basement sex you’ll be dealing with an assault of moldy odors as well as slippery floors and maybe even scary insects! If these happen to fit your quirks, then ….. give it a try?

4. Rockin’ Around the Pantry

If there was a list of bad sex spots, I think the food pantry could be at the top, so let’s take a look at this amazing piece of advice – “This might sound crazy, but making out in the pantry is honestly really cute.” Cute isn’t exactly the word I would use, but sure. Unless you’re a one-inch person, a pantry is barely big enough for a 4-year-old playing hide and seek, let alone two people engaging in intimate activities. If we want to get cute, we might as well suggest using a laundry hamper! So adorable. While I appreciate the proximity to snacks, the notion of pantry intimacy is just preposterous. I humbly suggest using the shower instead, even having sex in the basement is a little bit better than this idea.

5. Santa Claus Is Coming WHERE?!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have the inspiration for this in-depth piece of reporting. Here’s what they had to say: “If you are staying at someone’s house over the holidays and need to avoid certain seminal evidence, make the easiest masturbator ever by filling a plastic sandwich bag with lube. Put a sock around it for a better grip and stroke up and down your partner’s penis while they rub you. Afterward, seal it up then hide the living hell out of that baggie.” There are so many layers to this “tip,” both figuratively and literally. A plastic sandwich bag and a sock? What kind of MacGyver-level improvisation is this? And if we’re going to be this resourceful with the materials needed for this makeshift “masturbator,” why isn’t there explicit guidance on the proper disposal of this questionable contraption? Isn’t hiding it far riskier than discreetly disposing of it, considering that someone could stumble upon your sock-and-sandwich-bag creation? And where exactly are you meant to hide it – under the Christmas tree? Please buy This gives a whole new meaning to a gift from Santa’s sack.


Holiday intimacy can indeed be challenging, but there’s no need to go to such extremes – unless freezing limbs and DIY condoms are your idea of a good time. If so, proceed with caution. If not, simply wait until everyone is asleep and exercise discretion to avoid waking any unsuspecting family members. With that in mind, may your days be merry.