Who would have thought guilty sexual pleasure is a thing? Unfortunately, as people become more and more open-minded in terms of sex, kinks are still being judged as acceptable and unacceptable. Today’s article is about what a guilty pleasure is, why this kind of judgment needs to stop, how to feel confident about your preferences, and will provide sexual guilty pleasures examples.
Love yourself, be proud of your kinks, embrace your sex toys, and let that guilt go!
Table of Contents
What is the Meaning of Guilty Sexual Pleasure?
Guilty sexual pleasure is a seemingly innocent term that describes something outside of the norm. It implies that what you like in bed is considered weird by people who don’t share the same kink. And if that’s the case, it’s normal to feel insecure about your sexual preferences. However, the more you see them as your guilty pleasure, the more guilty you’ll feel when you engage in them.
What Sexual Acts Are Considered Guilty Sexual Pleasure?
Here are some sexual guilty pleasures examples:
1. Vanilla sex
Over the past few years, vanilla sex has successfully become synonymous with boring sex. When most people picture what’s vanilla sex like, they imagine a middle-aged couple doing it in a missionary position. But contrary to this belief, vanilla sex can be as passionate as kinky sex and still involves sexual exploration but without extra help. If you enjoy this kind of intercourse, it doesn’t mean that you’re boring or bad at sex – vanilla can be superior to kinky sex as you can’t rely on sex toys to help you make your partner orgasm, and you’re forced to get to know their needs inside out. It can be a great foundation!
2. Reversing roles
Even though times are changing, societal expectations on how sex should be are difficult to escape. Men are still supposed to be typically masculine and take the lead, while women are allowed or even expected to submit. In reality, sexual preferences are pretty much a spectrum, and putting people in boxes prevents them from exploring what they really like in bed and acting true to their desires. If you and your partner like to flip the script, there’s nothing wrong with that, but role reversal is considered a common guilty sexual pleasure. It might include dressing up in clothes that are typical of the opposite gender, pegging, and experimenting with a dominant/submissive dynamic.
3. Rimming
If you think about how sex actually works, it all boils down to exchanging fluids with each other, which can be kind of gross when you realize it. So it’s quite unfortunate that sexual practices such as rimming are still looked down on. If you love to give or receive it, there’s nothing weird about it – an anus has many nerve endings and can translate into a stronger, blended orgasm. As long as you clean yourself before the act, it won’t be as disgusting as people make it out to be.
4. Foot worship
If you’re looking for a kink that has a purely negative connotation, foot fetish is the one. According to the stereotype, foot fetish is practiced mainly by men, probably middle-aged ones, and very creepy. In reality, foot fetish can be enjoyed by both men and women, and even though some might find it a bit gross, there’s nothing too unusual about it.
5. Using sex toys without your partner
Believe it or not but some women feel ashamed of having fun while their partner is away. This one is especially surprising considering that there are plenty of sex toys for women and exploring their bodies is also in their partner’s best interest.
Why is Seeing Sex as a Guilty Pleasure Harmful?
Seeing certain sexual acts as guilty pleasure creates a stigma, which isn’t what we should strive for in the 21st century. Even though the last few years were all about sexual empowerment, it’s important to be accepting of all things sexual, as long as they’re consensual and aren’t hurting anyone without their permission. Dividing kinks and fetishes into acceptable and those seen as a guilty sexual pleasure leads to:
1. Guilt
Sex should be a positive experience where both parties get their needs met and are able to bond. Feeling guilty can kill your libido and make it difficult to connect with your desires.
2. Shame
Feeling ashamed of things you do might make you more likely to hide your needs from your partner and even look for them elsewhere.
3. Low self-esteem
If society says there’s something wrong with you, it’s difficult not to think this way. This can make you feel not good enough and lower your confidence when it comes to relationships and in general.
Why Should You Accept Your Fetishes as Normal?
Trends come and go. Do you remember when 50 Shades of Grey got popular, and suddenly everyone was into BDSM? Even though BDSM is considered kinky sex, it’s now pretty much mainstream, and most people incorporate some elements of it into their sex life. In a few years’ time, it might be something else. The point is, there will always be a stigma surrounding some sexual acts, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about enjoying something that isn’t a part of popular culture (yet). Sex is still taboo in general, so you might as well enjoy it. If you let go of the guilt, you’ll have better sex and give yourself permission to explore more. Your sexuality is an important part of you, and ignoring it might make you pretty unhappy. The key is to express, not to repress.
Tips on How to Stop Seeing your Fetishes as a Guilty Sexual Pleasure
1. Connect with more open-minded people
Believe it or not, there are plenty of people with weird and weirder kinks out there. You should join a site that brings all of them together, such as Fetlife, and connect with people from your area. A good idea is also to browse the forum, as you’ll likely find stories that resonate with you. You can also go a step further and attend events in person.
2. Watch niche porn
The most popular porn sites will feature the most mainstream porn because that’s what brings them money. But it doesn’t mean it’s impossible to find videos that showcase your kink; you just have to look for niche websites – they might require you to pay a fee, but the quality will be much better, and you’ll be sure the creators consented to have their work published. Plus, a lot of them feature sex toys for women, and many are focused on female pleasure specifically.
3. Practice acceptance
Don’t let yourself think anything negative about your preferences. You can either turn your thoughts into more realistic statements, for example, ‘It’s okay to like different things, it’s impossible for everyone to have the same preferences’, or simply tell yourself that your kinks are normal and that there’s nothing wrong with you.
4. Find a good sexual match
Don’t listen to people who say that sex isn’t that important. If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with your partner, you should try to find a good sexual match. Even if the person you’re currently seeing doesn’t share your kinks, it doesn’t matter as much – what matters is that they’re open-minded enough to give them a go or at least get out of their comfort zone. And most importantly, they won’t shame you for liking something outside of the norm, and when you’re with them, a guilty sexual pleasure becomes just a preference.